To have, or not to have, pets - Lifestyle - Havelock News

Dear Cindy: I am struggling with a momentous decision that is causing me to have sleepless nights. I know some people will think I’m crazy, but this problem is causing a lot of heartache. My partner has had pets in her life ever since she was born.

During the course of her adult life, she has always considered pets to be her family. Having observed her interacting with them for over 30 years, I know how important they are to her.

Here’s the dilemma: Two months ago, her oldest cat passed away. She was 20 years old and had been unhealthy for some time. My partner told me that she needed to have another pet. Unlike the topic of whether or not to have children, we had never discussed what happened when the last pet was gone. I did not grow up with animals and don’t really care to have them around. I have witnessed my partner’s distress because she feels a profound need to have an animal in the house. I really don’t want to cave and become resentful and truthfully, we are stuck. Any suggestions? — Being a Parent to a Pet

Dear Being a Parent to a Pet: This is indeed a difficult decision. You are not crazy and I admire you for thinking so carefully about this situation. It is true that some people treat their furry friends as family, sometimes preferring them to humans. Others care nothing about being pet owners and find them to be a nuisance. How does one proceed when couples are not on the same page?

It is reassuring that you have identified your differences, laying the groundwork for moving forward. There are different perspectives to be examined. It seems that your partner takes her relationship with her animals very seriously and has become distressed about the possibility of not having them in her life.

On the other hand, you would be just as happy not to become a parent. It may not seem like it, but a compromise may be reached in this situation. I am not overlooking anyone’s feelings, but I am suggesting that an emotionally charged decision can be made if both parties are willing to examine and respect one another’s point of view.

Make a list of all of the reasons you do not want a pet. Be specific i.e. I don’t want to clean a kitty litter box or take responsibility for veterinary bills, or train them not to jump on tables or scratch furniture. I absolutely do not want a dog. This list should be as long as it needs to be.

Encourage your partner to commit to the same exercise. Then share your notes. Would you be able to accommodate her if she met the criteria to fulfill your needs? Would she be willing to put off adopting a new pet so that you both could have more time to discuss this important decision and for her to imagine what it might be like to without a pet?

Ultimately, this choice is both of yours to make. Try to respect one another. And if you can, validate one another. If you continue to hit a wall, don’t rule out seeking some short-term counsel.

Cindy Davis is a retired, licensed professional counselor. All inquiries are confidential. Questions can be emailed to cindysuggests@gmail.com.