Stop shouting & start solving problems - Lifestyle - Asheboro Courier Tribune

Monday

Dec 23, 2019 at 1:09 AM

Dear Cindy: Lately my partner and I have been arguing a lot. We each think that we are "right" and we get stuck in these endless shouting matches. We are spending more time together than usual but these fights are draining. Fortunately, my partner is quicker than I am to attempt to resolve things. I am more prideful and dig in my heels. Any ideas? — Tired of the Tension

Dear Tired: Spending too much time together can certainly contribute to flare-ups of stress that turn into arguments. Sometimes sheer boredom generates energy that triggers explosions and may catch participants quite by surprise.

We don’t even always know what we are fighting about, but we do know that we’re agitated. Ideally, both partners would be skilled at lowering the volume so that communication can begin; when fights escalate into shouting matches they are destructive. The sooner the shouting stops, the quicker that problem solving can begin.

When fights escalate into shouting matches, they are no longer productive. It is not unusual to feel drained. It requires energy to get into that boxing ring. Taking a time-out may be useful. Think about managing your anger response. You are fortunate that your partner is quicker to intervene. No one has a perfect relationship. They all require maintenance.

Give some thought to carving out time when you are not together, whether that means participating in community activities or socializing with friends or spending time alone. This can provide enrichment to both parties and keep life more interesting.

It may be useful to seek guidance with this issue, perhaps consulting with your pastor or a counselor.

Cindy Davis is a retired, licensed professional counselor. All inquiries are confidential. Questions can be emailed to cindysuggests@gmail.com.